Hello my name is Timothy Deubner, T.J for short, and I am a pro-am bowler who stutters. I have stuttered all my life, and I know that I will continue to stutter.  It makes me, me. Knowing what may happen during the day at school, at work, or when I’m bowling in a tournament, such as being mocked or made fun of, has never held me back. It has just has made me stronger.

My struggles started when I was in middle school. I knew I stuttered, but I didn’t understand why or why it had to be me? Seeing all my friends talk normally and easily frustrated me because I didn’t know how I got the stutter. My parents took me to speech therapy to try to help my stuttering and other speech problems that I had. My teachers would ask me if I wanted to be in plays for the school, and I would say yes because my friends were in them, and I didn’t want to feel left out. Yes, I was scared out of my mind the night of the play, knowing I might stutter on my lines. I would peek out of the curtains and look to see how many people were out there and to see how many of my family were there for the show. Seeing my family there was the best feeling because I knew I had their support, whether I stunk or nailed my lines.

I got into bowling when I was in the sixth grade. A few of my friends joined the bowling team, and I thought to myself that I’d like to join too. After being on the team for a year or two, I realized I wanted to be the first professional bowler that stutters.

When I went into high school, I wanted to try out for the team. I practiced my heart out that summer. When the time came to try out, my mom and I made a bet. I wanted new bowling shoes, so she said to me “If you make the team, I’ll buy you new bowling shoes.” I put 110% into the tryouts.  Walking in the bowling center, I looked at who I would be going up against. I knew my hard work would pay off after the first week of tryouts. I felt confident in my skills. When it came time to find out, the coach announced which players had made the team, and he announced my name. I was so happy. In the next year, I grew as a stutterer and as a bowler. Everyone on the team knew I stuttered and helped me calm my emotions so I could talk a little better.

The following year I was a sophomore. I felt confident in tryouts knowing that I had practiced hard the previous year, but I also knew there would be new competition to go up against. No one knew who would bowl well or not; all I knew was that I had to bowl my best. A week after tryouts were done, the coach announced the players who had made the team, and once again my name was on the list. I knew then it was my time to shine, so I set some achievable goals and some hard goals like bowling a 200 game and winning most of my matches. I achieved even the difficult goals: I bowled six or more 200 games, and I won most of my matches.

The next year, my junior year, after an outstanding previous year, I was confident in my skills, and I knew my stuttering wouldn’t hold me back from taking it all. I bowled my heart out at tryouts to show everyone I was the guy to beat. I  bowled a nice 190 average for the week. That year I bowled well; although, I could have done better at winning some of my points. When it came time for conference and regionals, I placed third in my conference. As regionals were the next weekend, I knew I had  to step up my game. Sadly, I struggled the whole day, missing spares and trying to find the pocket. I only placed thirty-fifth, so I promised myself that I would practice harder and try to make it to state the next year.

My senior year, I was voted team captain for the second year. I helped my teammates grow as individuals and as a team. After a great start to the year, winning our first two matches and me winning all my points, I knew it would be a great year. Having won third at conference the previous year, I had to step up my game a little more. I pulled it all together and placed second. I was excited and couldn’t wait for regionals the next weekend. It came as quickly as it ended. I found the pocket early in the day and struggled to get a string of strikes together. After a few games of smashing the pocket but getting no strikes, I began to become frustrated and upset. I couldn’t gather myself together in time and then the day was done. I placed thirty-sixth. I was devastated knowing I had given it my all, and it was my last year to achieve my dream of going to state and bowling in it.  My best friend made it to state, and knowing he had made it, I swallowed my pride and congratulated him. I told him I had wanted to go to state with him and support him and be a good best friend. Even though he didn’t do his best in state, I knew he was proud of me, and I was proud of him.

Now I am bowling in tournaments and doing well. I have  a 209 game average, and I’m the youngest bowler in every tournament. What I have achieved makes me proud: beating older people with way more experience than me makes me feel on top of my game. I hope to play in a lot more tournaments and win a few along the way. I have this advice for people who stutter:  have a dream and don’t let your stutter hold you back. Never give up on your dream; work hard and don’t forget to laugh along the way. Failure is a part of life, and for me not going to state has only made me stronger as a bowler, and my stutter as only made my mental game better.

If you would like to watch me bowl, I do have a YouTube channel, and if you would like to talk you can email me at: tjdeubner@gmail.com

Fall 2013