How I Talked My Way to Happiness

By Lissa McManus Lange

I stutter. I stammer. I have a speech impediment. Whatever you want to call it, it’s part of me, and helped make me who I am today.

And I had been challenged with it for what felt like forever.

I had spent years hiding from people and shying away from speaking, especially public speaking. Speaking and reading aloud in class as a kid, whether it was answering questions in front of the class, reading aloud from a novel, or even worse – oral presentations — were all sheer torture. I sweated, quaked and cried myself through school, the teasing from kids compounding it all. Although I had been taught many different techniques through different speech therapy sessions, no one ever taught me how to cope with it. Not only with the stutter itself and with other peoples’ attitudes, but also how to sort out and manage my tumultuous feelings, and nurture my fragile self-esteem.

As an adult, unfortunately, those feelings of shame, embarrassment, and avoidance of situations never went away. I shied away from jobs that would have me constantly talking. Jobs requiring much talking on the phone were a definite “no.” Service industry/retail jobs proved equally stressing. The looks and reactions from customers when I was having a “bad day” while I struggled to say a word, never mind a sentence, had my face flaming in embarrassment and sweat trickling down my neck. Even as an adult, I felt like I was always back on the playground.

But then, eventually, I learned to thankful for it.

But how can that be? How can I be grateful for something that gave me a lifetime of heartache and grief? In turning it into something positive that I could be thankful for, I was able to realize if it weren’t for my speech impediment, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

Without my stutter, and all the emotions and experiences accompanying it, I wouldn’t be as compassionate, patient, and understanding of other people with challenges. I wouldn’t be as tough, or as sensitive, as I am. I often wonder who I would be — what type of person I would be — if I didn’t have the fortune of stuttering.

It wasn’t until I was able to be grateful for my stutter, and able to accept it, that I was then able to move on with my life — and be happy. I spent years fighting it, resisting the acceptance of this challenge, and letting it control my life. I let it get in the way of my own happiness and peace. But as soon as I let it go, I relaxed, and in doing so, I took control of it, often forgetting about it — finally.

Being able to turn it into something positive and constructive in my life, and be thankful for it, was a great release. It was the first step towards my happiness.

I had this epiphany in my early thirties, and with that big four-oh milestone just around the corner as I write this, I am still happy, still grateful.

I sometimes wish I knew then what I know now. If I did, I wouldn’t have wasted away years of being miserable, quaking in fear, and shying away from opportunities. But all the wishing in the world won’t change things. I am happy now, and I don’t intend to let anything change that.

Those “bad days” with my stutter are just single moments in a whole lifetime, and I don’t let them get me down. I have a whole future of good days, of being happy and grateful, ahead of me. Gone are those years of crying and shame. Ahead are the years of happiness, gratitude and being — me.

Reprinted with permission from Chicken Soup for the Soul: Find Your Happiness (October 2011).

Lisa McManus Lange is from Victoria, BC, Canada. Her work can be found in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Find Your Happiness and Chicken Soup for the Soul: Say Goodbye to Stress. Contact her at lisamc2010@yahoo.ca, and visit her at www.lisamcmanuslange.blogspot.com.

From the 2012 Fall Newsletter

CELEBRITY FOCUS

Bill Walton

From BillWalton.com

Thank you for your interest in my life long problem with my speech and communication skills. I was a very shy and reserved young man who could not speak at all without severely stuttering until I was 28 years old. Always a success in the classroom and on the basketball court, I took refuge in the things that I did well as a youngster. A straight A student, my athletic abilities covered the deficiencies that limited my overall growth and development. The game of basketball was my religion, the gym my church. It was a convenient way of avoiding my responsibilities of developing my human relation skills.

When I was 28, a chance encounter at a social event with Hall of Fame broadcaster Marty Glickman completely changed my life in so many ways that things have never been the same since, nor have they ever been better. That day, in a very brief, private conversation (one way, mind you, since I literally could not speak at the time) Marty explained, patiently and concisely, that talking, communicating was a skill not a gift or a birthright and that like any skill, whether it be sports, music, business or whatever, needed to be developed over a lifetime of hard work, discipline, organization and practice. Marty gave me some simple tips that day and then encouraged me to take those keys and apply them to methods of learning that I had received from the special teachers that I had come across in my life, particularly the 6 Hall of Fame basketball coaches that I had played for throughout my career. The beginning of my whole new life was as simple as that. No gimmicks, tricks or shortcuts. Just the realization that with some help, guidance and a lot of hard work that I too could do what seemed so easy, simple and natural to everyone else, yet seemed impossibly out of my reach and comprehension.

Dave Taylor

Dave Taylor has been on the Stuttering Foundation's list of Famous People Who Stutter for many years, but probably few people know all of the unique accomplishments of this former hockey great who was born on December 4, 1955, in Levack, Ontario.

Lewis Carroll

The recent Disney version of Lewis Carroll’s classic, Alice in Wonderland, garnered a great deal of media hype. Even though the mainstream media has not made mention that Carroll was a person who stuttered, his family history gives credence to the discovery of the genetic link to stuttering. Carroll was born to parents who were first cousins; almost all of their eleven children, three girls and seven boys, struggled with stuttering past childhood.

Bob Love

Bob Love has dreamt about being a great public speaker since his early days in Bastrop Louisiana, even though, as a young man, he could barely put two words together, let alone speak a full sentence.

In spite of his severe stuttering disability, Bob Love, the son of a sharecropper, rose to become a Chicago Bulls NBA superstar, whose records were eventually surpassed by Michael Jordan. Throughout his entire athletic career, Bob Love kept his stuttering a secret from the fans who adored him, thinking he could do his “talking” on the basketball court.

John Stossel

John Stossel is one of the most recognized and articulate reporters today. However, he once considered giving up his broadcasting career because of his stuttering.

“Fear of stuttering can easily become worse than the stuttering itself,” observed Stossel. “The idea that I’m on television and making speeches is still a shock to me sometimes.”