An Open Letter to Eye Contact

Blog by James Hayden
Jan. 28, 2019

Dear Eye Contact,

I don’t quite know how to describe our dynamic, but let’s go with interesting. Like the phone before you, and now currently drive thrus, you are on my list of things to conquer on my journey with stuttering. It’s nearly impossible for me to avoid you or give a million reasons why I can’t or won’t use you. The reason I cannot nor want to avoid you, has its roots in the way I was raised.

Growing up, my parents instilled in me that eye contact was a sign of respect I should give every person I talk to and to every person talking to me. I was taught that by having you as a part of the conversation, I am listening to the speaker and I want my audience to listen to me. I still firmly believe that. When I talk to someone, I have a personal rule that you are a part of the conversation; however, there are exceptions to every rule.

The exception to this rule is when I stutter. As soon as stuttering enters the conversation, you quickly disappear. When I stutter, I tend to look everywhere except for the person I’m talking to. I look at the ground as if it holds a treasure I’ve never seen before. I look at the heavens in hopes that the sky will contain the answer to the meaning of life. I look left and right as if I’m trying to cross the street to fluency. As soon as the eternal seconds of stuttering ends, you re-enter the conversation.

I don’t know why this happens, but I have my theories. Maybe I ask you to leave because I am still subconsciously embarrassed by the fact that I stutter. Maybe you leave because I want my message to be heard, but I don’t want the mechanics of my message to be seen. Whatever the reason is, I want to end it. I want to be able to look a person in the eye, regardless of my fluency. It’s a resolution of mine but, like most resolutions do, it quickly falls to the wayside.

Although maintaining you in all conversations is a resolution I constantly struggle to uphold, I will fulfill my resolution. As previously mentioned, you and stuttering have been in very few of my conversations; however, there are many conversations left to be had. It may not be today, it may not be next month, but one day you will be in every conversation that stuttering joins us. I can’t wait for the day when my message will be heard and the mechanics of my message will be seen by my audience. Then I will have finally fulfilled one of my long-standing resolutions and you will be an obstacle that I used to know.

I hope you're ready for it. I am.

Yours,

James

CELEBRITY FOCUS

Darren Sproles

Darren Sproles, a former player for The Philadelphia Eagles, the New Orleans Saints and the San Diego Chargers, made history in 2007 when he became the first player in NFL history to return a kickoff and a punt for his first two NFL touchdowns in the same game. In 2021, he was selected to be inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame.

Bob Love

Bob Love has dreamt about being a great public speaker since his early days in Bastrop Louisiana, even though, as a young man, he could barely put two words together, let alone speak a full sentence.

In spite of his severe stuttering disability, Bob Love, the son of a sharecropper, rose to become a Chicago Bulls NBA superstar, whose records were eventually surpassed by Michael Jordan. Throughout his entire athletic career, Bob Love kept his stuttering a secret from the fans who adored him, thinking he could do his “talking” on the basketball court.

Marilyn Monroe

From Edward S. Herrington's letter to Southcoasttoday.com

I am writing in response to "The importance of voice" (May 29), which mentioned that famous actor James Earl Jones struggled with stuttering. Another famous voice that you cited was the trademark breathy voice of Marilyn Monroe; however, you did not make mention of the fact that Marilyn Monroe also struggled with stuttering at various points in her life, sometimes very painfully.

Bill Withers

While Bill Withers has long been on the Stuttering Foundation's list of Famous People Who Stutter, many people probably didn’t realize he stuttered. He passed away on March 30, 2020.

Born in 1938 in Slab Fork, W.V., Withers was the youngest of six children. When his father died when Withers was small, he was raised by his mother and grandmother, both of whom worked as domestics.

James Earl Jones

Actor James Earl Jones, a Broadway, television and movie star, is well-known for his voice as Darth Vader in Star Wars and his book Voices and Silences. Jones has spoken some of the most memorable lines in the history of American film, but the man known for his voice was once afflicted with a severe stutter.