Face Your Fears

 

 

My youth, as is the case with so many stutterers, was filled with alternate hope and despair as I hungered for some relief from my stuttering. This of course is not unique; most stutterers have had similar feelings. But have you ever asked yourself what it is that really bothers you, what it is that causes despair? Is it your stuttering or is it your fear of people’s reactions to your stuttering? Isn’t it the latter? Most stutterers have too much anxiety about what they think people might say or might do as a result of the stuttering. These anxieties can be lessened.

 

I remember well these feelings of worry, anxiety, and despair. If you can learn to dissipate some of these terrible feelings—you will be able to help yourself as many other stutterers have done.

 

There is one effective method you can utilize to achieve this goal. Face your fears! This advice is easy to give and admittedly difficult for many of you to take; however, it is advice that has helped many stutterers and it can help you.

 

Learn to face your fears of stuttering in different speech situations. My involvement in such “situational-work” during my early career created peace of mind for me. It was a slow process; I didn’t achieve such freedom all in one day or week or month; and it was hard work. But I did it, and others have done it, and so can you.

 

Somehow you must learn to desensitize yourself to the reactions of others and refuse to let people’s actual or imagined responses to your stuttering continue to affect your mental health or your peace of mind.

 

This is easier said than done but it can be accomplished. I found that by facing my fears gradually I was able to achieve such a goal, and I have known other stutterers who have “thrown” themselves into similar confrontations. Use whatever pace that best suits you, but get involved, one way or another, in these confrontations with your “speech fears.” There will be times when you will be unable to face the fears inherent in different situations, but persevere. Don’t give up! Continue facing your fears as often as you can. Besides the peace of mind that develops, you will also become more fluent in your speech. You will find yourself manifesting lesser amounts of stuttering and that stuttering will never be as severe as it was previous to your confrontation.

 

You will find that as you grow older you will develop more ability to do these things. With growing maturity we can generally face our fears more frequently and more consistently. But how long do you want to wait?

 

List all the speech situations in which you fear stuttering. These are pretty standard situations; for example, most stutterers fear using the telephone. They experience much distress when they are called upon to answer the telephone while it rings incessantly, or conversely, when they must place a necessary call. I remember well how often I “played-deaf” when the telephone would ring. Sometimes, unfortunately, I might be standing and more than a few feet from that ringing telephone, and my protestations regarding “answer what telephone?” would be of no avail. Face this fear by making many telephone calls each day to different persons—people whose names are unknown to you. Practice stuttering while you speak to them. Stutter in different ways. For example, I once had a patient make such a call and the party on the other end turned out to be a preacher. The patient had been told he must ask for J-J-J-J but to never complete the name. The preacher was an extraordinarily kind person and evidently with some time to spare. He continually urged the patient to “take it easy” and assured him that he wouldn’t hang up. For two or three minutes the patient continued repeating the initial “J” until, in sheer desperation, the preacher said, “Son, there is no “J” here. I’m sorry but I have to go,” and with that he hung up.

 

What do stutterers learn from this and similar experiences? Not to be as afraid of answering the telephone since the worst possible thing that could happen to him would be for the party to hang up on him, or to say something derogatory to him. In either case, his world doesn’t end. By such experiences you will find yourself getting toughened caring less about how people might respond to you and, finally, you will be able to use the phone with lesser amounts of fear, anxiety, and stuttering.

 

Another classic situation most stutterers fear is asking questions of strangers. I suspect that this bothers you too. What I did, and have my patients do, is to stop people who are walking somewhere, or are in stores, and ask them questions concerning the time, directions, the price of some object, etc. All student clinicians who have trained under my supervision have been asked to do first whatever they ask the patient to accomplish. Thus they too had to first ask such questions of strangers. But since they were not stutterers, they had to feign stuttering and they were required to do it very convincingly.

 

These normal speakers discovered, as you well known, that much anxiety is experienced when asked to perform as indicated. But anxiety becomes reduced and dissipated if you engage in these kinds of situational experiences rapidly, one after another, almost without pause. For example: ask ten or fifteen people about their views regarding the cause of stuttering. You will find that after the eighth or ninth person has responded you will no longer possess all the fears you did when you initiated this exercise. Also, as a bonus, you might be surprised to find yourself actually listening to and arguing with your respondents and actually enjoying the exercise.

 

To argue about and/or to discuss effectively with anyone the causes or nature of stuttering means that you have to have some relevant information about stuttering. Do you know what this speech disorder is all about? If not, you should. You should learn as much about it as is possible. If your library does not contain sufficient information, write to the publisher of this book for additional information. No longer tolerate the false information from your parents, friends, teachers or others who are interested in you, and want to help, but who are probably very ignorant about stuttering. Educate them! But educate yourself first!

 

I discovered also that by talking to other stutterers I received indirectly the benefits of their therapeutic experiences. Find other stutterers! It may surprise you to find out how many fellow stutterers are available. Form groups! In this way you can help each other. It will be so much easier for you when you can find someone in whom you can confide and who understands your problem. Work up your own situational assignments. Alternate as clinician and patient with the proviso that the “clinician” must first do whatever he asks the “patient” to do. Watch people closely! See how they react to your stuttering. Do you see facial grimaces or indications of shock or surprise on their faces? Occasionally you may but often you may not. You will find that when you both become objective enough to observe these people carefully, and to compare notes regarding their responses, you may even begin to enjoy the exercise. Your group should also try to obtain the services of a competent and sympathetic professional person who can guide you in discussions regarding those factors involving personality development. If not, discuss them yourselves. This kind of introspection—or self-analysis—helped me a great deal. It made me look at myself to see what made me tick. I began to realize that much of the behavior I disliked in myself was motivated by my fear of stuttering.

 

In summary I have suggested two matters of great importance to you regarding your stuttering: (1) Learn all about stuttering; read everything you can regarding this disorder; there is much literature available. (2) Face your fears as often and as consistently as you can. Do not give up if and when you backtrack; try to meet “head-on” these feared situations. When you can do so with some degree of consistency, you may find a new life awaiting you.

 

Advice to Those Who Stutter is also available for Kindle.