"The Thoughts of a Stutterer"

A blog post by Matthew Bacchus

The thoughts of a stutterer. The moment you realize you are different. Your whole world changes. You speak and strange looks are given to you. A child looks at you and wonders what is wrong with you. You are entering school wondering if you will ever make any friends. Will someone play with you? The cry of a little boy or girl. Your voice is not being heard because others can’t understand you. The frustration of school. Finding yourself in a different class, away from the usual, away from regular kids. Pulled out of the classroom and into another. You’re in a new class now. A new teacher enters. Someone you have never known before, wants you to pronoun this word.

The thoughts of a stutterer. He or she is introduced to a speech therapist. You are now wondering what is wrong with you. Why are you different? Why were you born this way? Why can’t you speak fluently? The silent scream of a child who is now growing and growing and things are getting worst. The fear of being called on in class. Do everything you can not to be called on. Ask to go to the bathroom just so you don’t have to read a paragraph or passage in class. Trying to avoid the laughter, and the finger pointing. Trying to avoid being the topic of discussion. The torture of having no choice but to do a speech or presentation in class makes fear come all over you. Sweat is pouring down because you are nervous. Praying to God to talk right. God please don’t let me mess up.

The thoughts of a stutterer. Hungry and ready to eat but you can’t order the meal you want because you can’t pronounce what you want so you order something else that is ok but is not what you want. You do everything you can to avoid stuttering by playing it off with a cough, or the stamping of the feet, or the tapping of your side just to get certain words out. Wondering if your life will always be like this. If so, you don’t even want to live. Suicidal thoughts of a stutterer. Wondering why live in a world where you will be laughed at, made fun of, or looked at strangely. Wondering if you will ever date or be in a relationship. Will you be accepted for who you are or be rejected because of the way you talk? Afraid to lose friends or relationship because you don’t want to start over with someone who doesn’t know you. You are afraid that once they find out that you can’t speak clearly, they will laugh or reject you.

The thoughts of a stutterer. Wondering what your tomorrow holds for you. Wondering if you will keep a Job. Wondering if you will even get one. Wondering if you will be disqualified because you can’t speak properly. Finding yourself in a difficult space and place. Wondering will this stuttering go away so I can enjoy life.

The thoughts of a stutterer. Feeling like you are all alone and no one understands you. Finding yourself in your own world. Finding yourself in your home away from judgment, finger pointing, and the laughter. Wondering will people look beyond what you say and accept you for who you are. Wondering can people hear the silent screams of a stutterer. Pillows fill with tears sometimes because you don’t want to live like this. Wanting change. Wondering how different your life would be if you didn’t have to face this issue. Good days. Bad days. Trying to keep a positive attitude and not think about it because you realize someone is worse off than you. A constant battle for a stutterer to look at the bigger picture. To look at the fact that your life is encouraging someone to push. Push to another level. Push to finish whatever you started.

Stutterers often forget that people gain strength by their determination, their will, their fight, their zeal to go after what they want. But fear torments. Fear grabs hold of you and tries to choke the life out of you. Causing you not to finish what you started. It causes you not to push that great ideas you have. Fear holds you back from things you desire. Fear paralyzes you and you’re left wondering what to do. What is next for you? You are trying to avoid growing up and asking what if you would have done this and that. The fight of a stutterer. A stutterer’s mind is sometimes all over the place trying to press on. These are the many thoughts of a stutterer.

Posted Feb. 1, 2016

CELEBRITY FOCUS

Bill Walton

From BillWalton.com

Thank you for your interest in my life long problem with my speech and communication skills. I was a very shy and reserved young man who could not speak at all without severely stuttering until I was 28 years old. Always a success in the classroom and on the basketball court, I took refuge in the things that I did well as a youngster. A straight A student, my athletic abilities covered the deficiencies that limited my overall growth and development. The game of basketball was my religion, the gym my church. It was a convenient way of avoiding my responsibilities of developing my human relation skills.

When I was 28, a chance encounter at a social event with Hall of Fame broadcaster Marty Glickman completely changed my life in so many ways that things have never been the same since, nor have they ever been better. That day, in a very brief, private conversation (one way, mind you, since I literally could not speak at the time) Marty explained, patiently and concisely, that talking, communicating was a skill not a gift or a birthright and that like any skill, whether it be sports, music, business or whatever, needed to be developed over a lifetime of hard work, discipline, organization and practice. Marty gave me some simple tips that day and then encouraged me to take those keys and apply them to methods of learning that I had received from the special teachers that I had come across in my life, particularly the 6 Hall of Fame basketball coaches that I had played for throughout my career. The beginning of my whole new life was as simple as that. No gimmicks, tricks or shortcuts. Just the realization that with some help, guidance and a lot of hard work that I too could do what seemed so easy, simple and natural to everyone else, yet seemed impossibly out of my reach and comprehension.

Bill Withers

While Bill Withers has long been on the Stuttering Foundation's list of Famous People Who Stutter, many people probably didn’t realize he stuttered. He passed away on March 30, 2020.

Born in 1938 in Slab Fork, W.V., Withers was the youngest of six children. When his father died when Withers was small, he was raised by his mother and grandmother, both of whom worked as domestics.

Bruce Willis

While the world knows Bruce Willis as an A-list actor, few know that he struggled with stuttering throughout his first 20 years.

Walter Bruce Willis was born in 1955 in West Germany to his German mother, Marlene, and his American GI father, David Willis. The family settled in David’s hometown of Penns Grove, New Jersey in 1957, and the couple has three other children.

Dave Taylor

Dave Taylor has been on the Stuttering Foundation's list of Famous People Who Stutter for many years, but probably few people know all of the unique accomplishments of this former hockey great who was born on December 4, 1955, in Levack, Ontario.

Kenyon Martin

Kenyon Martin, the basketball sensation who was named to the NBA’s All Star Team in 2004, joins other famous people who stutter in a new brochure. The brochure - which unfolds into a small poster - is available free of charge from The Stuttering Foundation.

The poster is intended to give children and adults who stutter inspiration as they grapple with their speech disorder.